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Understanding the motives

Let's go quickly and be back before 3:00 pm. We will be back before the build-up of cars…

This is what mum said to me last week, which set the intention of this week's lesson. For context, we live right next to a children's school; yeah, convenient for those who have children, but also a cause of concern. Mum wanted to go shopping and be back in time before the street got full of parked cars, and it became chaotic around the house.

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Our motivation is based on two triggers:

Away-From [The stick]

Towards [The Carrot]

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These motivations are directly related to your values. So when mum said to be back before the build-up of cars, her motivation was based on moving away from being stuck in the mix.

So I was curious, why would she take action based on not being stuck in traffic? It's not like we'd be waiting for entry back into our driveway, so I asked her.

Her motivation was based on TIME.

She felt motivated and triggered that if she got stuck in the middle of the traffic, she would be late for all her other duties that she knew she had to get done. Her loss of time results in her being motivated to take action.

We call these "rules"; we all have made them up, more on this shortly.

TIME was not an end value; it was what we call a means value. Her end value was not to be restricted. It formed part of her value system, and where that value sat regarding a hierarchy determined the action she'd take, so it was relatively high up. She wanted to leave immediately.

You must understand what motivates you because your focus is determined by it.

Depending on which is more important will decide whether you move towards or away from those values.

What would someone's life be like if they valued security? Think about the activities in their life. Would they go skydiving if you asked them? Perhaps not, but if their top priority is freedom, then you bet they'd be up for jumping off the plane.

Neither towards nor away is right or wrong, we all have both, but these values will determine the direction of your life. First, we must know what they are. Changing them can change the course.

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What Motivates You?

Everyone has different forms of motivation; here are a few examples of what they look like in our daily life and have triggered us into action either towards or away from something:

I did it because I was angry.

I did it for love.

I didn't go to the party because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I started this business to make an impact.

I don't forcibly sell to anyone; I build value first.

I always put people first.

It's important to know that our motivation is different based on the context in which they are applied. We have different values for life, business, career, job, friends etc. The value of 'relationship' in business will mean something completely different from what we value in life with friends.

Note this.

We all value 'Success' differently.

• One might say that acquiring all the material possessions makes us successful.
• Another might say success is about how much you give back.

We all value 'Family' differently.

• One might say that family to them is ensuring their family is always put first in everything they do.
• Another might say family means the feeling of being happy.

Nobody is wrong but until we break down the meaning of what we value and what governs that to be accurate for us, it can remain unclear or worse; it can go against us. It can create inner conflicts.

We might value success but are conflicted about discussing the price or cost of work for a project with a close friend or family if family is a value.

Exploring Your Motivations

Exercise

Step 1 - Pick an area you want to explore; business, life, or job.

Begin to make a list of the 'moving towards' values and what they mean to you. Then rank them in order from top priority to lowest.

Step 2 - What are you trying to avoid in business?

What are your 'moving away' values, and what do they mean to you? Again rank them as top to lowest priorities. Here are business examples:

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Explore Your Rules For Motivation

Your rules are based on your beliefs. We are running rules that take us towards or away from our values.

Taking the motivations we explored above, what has to happen for them to be true? So, for example, If 'Family' is a value in business, what must happen to feel it's like home?

It might be that you write:

Everyone should automatically feel like they can trust one another.

or

When you walk into work, if you aren't hugged like at home, it doesn't feel like family.

Those rules dictate why we take action in ways that hinder or empower us. For example, you may feel that working with people inside your business is cold, or you react aggressively towards someone who hasn't instantly hugged you or said hi in a meaningful was like they do at home.

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Step 3 - What are your rules?

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Begin to notice what outcomes are not where you'd like them. If you explored the values in your 'business' above, take an audit.

Consider some questions like:

What is the belief you never thought would stop you?

[Is a limiting belief not working in your favour?]

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Are you motivated towards or away from a particular task or focus?

[Do you take action or behave in ways that move you toward or away from something, is that helping you achieve the desired outcome?]

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Could having an opposing motivation help push you forward?

[Instead of an away from, could a motivation pulls you to achieve more?]

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Do you need to change your associated rules?

[What rules are stopping you or slowing you down? Perhaps it's a rule that's never met?]

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Do you feel conflicted between a lower value than the top five?

[Do you fail to achieve something because you value something more substantial?]

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To expand ourselves, become more, have more, live life, achieve more, grow or be fulfilled is a matter of understanding our motives. If they are not helping you, change them.